it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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