I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
