i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
