im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
