Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
