The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
