Heybabeimwearingurpanties
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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