sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
