i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
