Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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