He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
