It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
