Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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