If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
