Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize