his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
