just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
