I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
