I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
