Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
