This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
