Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
