i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
