bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
