My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I love you.
Bad choice
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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