I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
