Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
