Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
