I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
