yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
