where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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