Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
