gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
