i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
