she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
