Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Even my vagina gasped.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
