hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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