You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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