just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
