So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
