I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
