Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize