I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
