Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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