I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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