Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
