I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
