It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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