did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
