and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
