she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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