Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Everything about him screamed your future.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
