hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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