No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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