my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
