Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize