Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
