I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
