Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
