Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
