She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
