that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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