she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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