The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
