; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
