Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
