Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
