My room smells like vodka and shame
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
