He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
