he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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