It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
