you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
