Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize