so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
