Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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